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death779

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death779

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  • Number of visits : 1815
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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death779's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

#6927216
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5430) - you deserved it (45697)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Sean (man) - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43522) - you deserved it (2039)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

#5921737
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (3714)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by badnewsbears (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

#5580319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8266) - you deserved it (35453)

On 10/01/2009 at 3:56am - misc - by slcbabii23 (woman) - United States (Missouri) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

#5375758
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52593) - you deserved it (8812)

On 09/20/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by LovesHisHand (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43769) - you deserved it (22486)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18105) - you deserved it (44637)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

#4637795
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56160) - you deserved it (4679)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

#4540987
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33152) - you deserved it (12362)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:22am - health - by Dammit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was late for a medical school seminar and test. An SUV flipped over on the highway right in front of me. I held pressure to gushing, lacerated artery until EMS arrived. He lived, but I might have to repeat the whole year because I missed a big test. The test? Emergency response medicine. FML

#4459199
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61750) - you deserved it (2541)

On 08/11/2009 at 8:58pm - work - by doctorchick (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

#4374791
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61040) - you deserved it (3299)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by madaskueuchiha (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

#4326730
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48257) - you deserved it (16039)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21808) - you deserved it (53387)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

#3468815
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56271) - you deserved it (2873)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by noyodel (woman) - Italy

Today, I caught some perverts sitting in a car in front of my house, spying on my neighbors. When they refused to leave, I grabbed a baseball bat and they sped off in a hurry. Later, those same perverts came back to arrest my neighbors for drug trafficking. I had threatened cops. FML

#3419869
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47269) - you deserved it (10691)

On 07/02/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States (California)



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