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death779

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death779

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  • Number of visits : 1946
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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death779's favorite FMLs

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

#20634924
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (53512)

On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38232) - you deserved it (8322) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

#20072034
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22131) - you deserved it (3209)

On 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm - love - by wow kid just leave me alone (woman) - United States

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

#18525821
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (6286)

On 12/16/2011 at 3:50am - misc - by Brit - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

#18525821
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (6286)

On 12/16/2011 at 3:50am - misc - by Brit - Reserved

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55681) - you deserved it (5494)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

#15151790
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31512) - you deserved it (3115)

On 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

#14909703
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51401) - you deserved it (13556)

On 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm - love - by Samyett (woman) - United States

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

#14689182
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35040) - you deserved it (6447)

On 01/23/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

#14449374
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5801) - you deserved it (38365)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

#13963928
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35874) - you deserved it (4854)

On 11/24/2010 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML

#13863853
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47699) - you deserved it (11827)

On 11/16/2010 at 10:34am - misc - by nicolette5785452 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

#13145011
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50103) - you deserved it (3474)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

#12612052
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16282) - you deserved it (27647)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by roflcopter (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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