About dearkidnapper : Life sucks, get a helmet!
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59708) - you deserved it (7496)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Daniel_rules (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13649) - you deserved it (108997)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt - United States (New York)
Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83760) - you deserved it (4501)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63473) - you deserved it (16084)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (198916) - you deserved it (58784)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21064) - you deserved it (76189)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162382) - you deserved it (22108)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I learned I made the dean's honor list for my college for the first time since attending. I asked my dad if he was proud of me, to which he replied, "when you're as successful as your brother, I'll be proud." My brother is a Chippendale's dancer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61906) - you deserved it (2573)
On 03/19/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by GracelandDave (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66759) - you deserved it (5805)
On 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38441) - you deserved it (13370)
On 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by booyouwhoree (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63494) - you deserved it (13057)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by ohmygoodness (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (143078) - you deserved it (9806)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (54156) - you deserved it (5261)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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