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dearambivalence

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dearambivalence
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3629
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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dearambivalence's favorite FMLs

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

#658830
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109751) - you deserved it (11922)

On 03/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by lice (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131466) - you deserved it (5739)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

#651066
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (71126)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

#642666
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94854) - you deserved it (4651)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

#640480
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19041) - you deserved it (83005)

On 03/27/2009 at 9:05am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Austria (Vorarlberg)

Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML

#636351
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49098) - you deserved it (6372)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Lena (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

#635600
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59512) - you deserved it (15879)

On 03/26/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by lauren555 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (151523) - you deserved it (25351)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

#630106
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62234) - you deserved it (25220)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:24pm - money - by Broke (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

#628837
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43376) - you deserved it (23327)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

#622063
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74384) - you deserved it (3597)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by sweet (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

#620278
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23912) - you deserved it (66108)

On 03/26/2009 at 11:42am - kids - by CaoNiMa (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

#619035
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72062) - you deserved it (10679)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183777) - you deserved it (27550)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML



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