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  • Number of visits : 284
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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deadlydana's FML badges

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deadlydana's favorite FMLs

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 7:04am / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

by limegreengiraffe / 11/01/2014 at 10:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

by blanknameisblank / 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work. Being a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top. I did so with such force that my head hit the dumpster, knocking me out. FML

by KO / 04/30/2014 at 12:20am / United States / Work

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

by s3xygrandpa / 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

by almostkilledmyself / 12/29/2012 at 2:30am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm / United States / Kids

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love