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deadlydana

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deadlydana

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  • Number of visits : 68
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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deadlydana's favorite FMLs

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

#21168348
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43437) - you deserved it (19339)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm - health - by blanknameisblank (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work. Being a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top. I did so with such force that my head hit the dumpster, knocking me out. FML

#21126821
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34062) - you deserved it (4142)

On 04/30/2014 at 12:20am - work - by KO - United States

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. 5ML

#21038584
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35517) - you deserved it (18803)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47435) - you deserved it (8656)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41969) - you deserved it (4389)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52829) - you deserved it (7453)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40515) - you deserved it (13812)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

#20429355
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16114) - you deserved it (27184)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:30am - misc - by almostkilledmyself - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51520) - you deserved it (9281)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44264) - you deserved it (5653)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21909) - you deserved it (4944)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25805) - you deserved it (4730)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32797) - you deserved it (2509)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

#20022524
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (7805)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13930) - you deserved it (37302)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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