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dcutts

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dcutts

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  • Number of visits : 57
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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dcutts's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

#19949441
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21087) - you deserved it (4914)

On 07/17/2012 at 9:54am - health - by Anonymous - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

#18490588
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29774) - you deserved it (3954)

On 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm - love - by PunkChik27 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you deserved it (47952)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

#8370926
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28257) - you deserved it (4851)

On 02/17/2010 at 10:05am - misc - by juwkgo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12234) - you deserved it (25229)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML

#5012990
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38866) - you deserved it (7997)

On 09/03/2009 at 12:37am - kids - by eagerbeaver (man) - United States

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46306) - you deserved it (5885)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

#3769867
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (8181)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by GrippedMyBalls - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

#784043
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (411791) - you deserved it (67071)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31496) - you deserved it (65200)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234666) - you deserved it (81893)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

#20511
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6816) - you deserved it (48446)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)



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