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Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47366) - you deserved it (2970)
On 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by awkward O_o - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59426) - you deserved it (6806)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68812) - you deserved it (3077)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41013) - you deserved it (2950)
On 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by traitor (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28568) - you deserved it (94456)
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37828) - you deserved it (2816)
On 04/21/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by wallet? GONE (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47686) - you deserved it (3255)
On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)
Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (6206)
On 04/20/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by MaggotMother (woman) - United States
Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48371) - you deserved it (5784)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)
Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41953) - you deserved it (4796)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)
Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47098) - you deserved it (7543)
On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States
Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (105274) - you deserved it (5804)
On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)
Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35507) - you deserved it (8612)
On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -
Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37563) - you deserved it (2769)
On 03/16/2011 at 8:53am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26908) - you deserved it (2308)
On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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