This member hasn't filled in the description.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40955) - you deserved it (50812)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (58207)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48619) - you deserved it (3736)
On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19789) - you deserved it (36917)
On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40536) - you deserved it (2465)
On 04/26/2013 at 6:03pm - work - by fuck you walmart (woman) - United States
Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16280) - you deserved it (40780)
On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31163) - you deserved it (4482)
On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)
Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30785) - you deserved it (6206)
On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26010) - you deserved it (2100)
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23842) - you deserved it (21676)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18371) - you deserved it (30294)
On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22871) - you deserved it (5931)
On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (8623)
On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24320) - you deserved it (5713)
On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27673) - you deserved it (3160)
On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
