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dbaby115's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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dbaby115's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
by Jizzyface / 12/29/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
by xHoho / 11/26/2013 at 12:50am / United States (North Dakota) / Love
by Thanks guys / 11/26/2013 at 12:21am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
by meganmagee / 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML
by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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