About davincidasecond : Weeeeell, I'm a:
Senior in college.
Comic book geek.
Guy who comes on FML to laugh.
Just a few things (out of thousands) to know about me. Feel free to shoot a message. But please, no creepers.
About davincidasecond : Weeeeell, I'm a:
davincidasecond's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
davincidasecond's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said no because she doesn't want to be tied down for the rest of her life. We already have 3 children, a mortgage, and joint bank accounts. How much more tied down could we possibly get? FML
by Nile / 12/08/2015 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love
by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love
by Hormones apparently / 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anon / 12/05/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I went out with a girl I've been dating. I dropped her off and she finally asked me if I wanted to come in. When I did, she asked me to change a light bulb in her kitchen, and then promptly sent me home. FML
by mywillyisdisappointed / 12/04/2015 at 8:57pm / United States / Love
by not twilight / 12/04/2015 at 7:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML
by anon / 12/04/2015 at 7:32pm / United States / Kids
Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking on my crutches towards the bus through the rain. The bus driver looked into my eyes, punching the button to close the doors while I was still a few meters away. As he drove off, he kept his eyes on me, while I had to wait for another 15 minutes for the next bus in the rain. FML
by shaft2112 / 12/03/2015 at 3:19pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Transportation
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy
Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML
by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML
by shotdown / 12/02/2015 at 3:45pm / United States (California) / Love
- Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright,… Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's… Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…