Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

davidisbeast

Offline (15 minutes ago) | Search for a member

davidisbeast

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 June 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 624
  • Number of comments : 55
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About davidisbeast : Average 17 year old.
I like to sleep, eat, play video games, and playing sports
Message me. I don't bite!

davidisbeast's page activity

Visits<b>faithlove24</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 5:47pm<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 10:37pm<b>creeperwindow</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 7:02pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:16pm<b>NerdGirl321</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 12:03am<b>eriicaaaf</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 11:29pm<b>kyle8211</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 6:00pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 5:18pm<b>KawaiiSushii</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 4:12pm<b>telli164</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 9:55am<b>FoTheWin</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 5:22pm<b>EndlessBoredom</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:50pm<b>josephinema</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:40am<b>aruam365</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:43am<b>jenkelo</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 8:34pm<b>rannerbananer</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 3:48pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 3:30pm<b>SeaMug</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 11:23pm

davidisbeast's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of davidisbeast's badges

davidisbeast's favorite FMLs

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36033) - you deserved it (9865)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31351) - you deserved it (7787)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

#21269205
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39262) - you deserved it (5577)

On 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm - love - by EosThorn (woman) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

#21161395
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41823) - you deserved it (15612)

On 06/03/2014 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22771) - you deserved it (33621) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

#21069128
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36046) - you deserved it (7535)

On 02/23/2014 at 3:10am - animals - by dsamanthas - United States (California)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47366) - you deserved it (4880)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8781) - you deserved it (32852)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

#18296145
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27436) - you deserved it (4502)

On 11/20/2011 at 6:31am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

#6367890
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25332) - you deserved it (3424)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (18639)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (18639)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9447) - you deserved it (91895)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: