davidisbeast

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Offline (the 08/01/2016 at 5:58am)

davidisbeast

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chino, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 June 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1191
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About davidisbeast : Average 18 year old.
I like to sleep, eat, play video games, and play sports. College kid now at UCR CO2019
Message me. I don't bite!

davidisbeast's page activity

Visits<b>withered</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 3:24am<b>Reeza</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 11:12pm<b>Etiluge</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 2:26am<b>iJoeyVela</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 12:54am<b>delichick</b> - the 05/16/2016 at 7:16pm<b>funkymonk3y</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 4:49am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 9:00pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:25am<b>aiw14</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 2:42am<b>walker9879</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 1:23pm<b>kittina</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 11:53am<b>goldfish_lover</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:41pm<b>goldengirlsfan</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:40pm<b>reaaaagan6</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 12:39am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 5:16pm<b>darklord369</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 2:58am<b>ashcat12</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 1:00am<b>fmypatheticlife</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 1:23am

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 3:00am<b>aiw14</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:42am<b>i_live_to_vault</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:57pm<b>50_Shades_Of_Gay</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 5:59pm<b>skye147</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 11:04am<b>aishah77</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 8:04pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 6:41am

davidisbeast's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of davidisbeast's badges

davidisbeast's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2015 at 11:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2015 at 5:44am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

by kumcat / 01/11/2015 at 12:57am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

by LadyNexus / 01/06/2015 at 10:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

by shadysheikh / 10/29/2014 at 12:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

by EosThorn / 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Love

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2014 at 5:46am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

by sistermonster / 02/26/2014 at 4:45am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

by dsamanthas / 02/23/2014 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

by rara1989 / 12/13/2011 at 7:15am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

by photomark / 12/13/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Health

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

by anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 6:31am / United States / Love