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davidisbeast

Offline (21 hours ago) | Search for a member

davidisbeast

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Chino, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 June 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 894
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About davidisbeast : Average 18 year old.
I like to sleep, eat, play video games, and play sports. College kid now at UCR CO2019
Message me. I don't bite!

davidisbeast's page activity

Visits<b>fmypatheticlife</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 6:30pm<b>ElWizardGavin</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:24am<b>baertzie</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 1:34pm<b>Chance913</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 5:07pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 8:07pm<b>hayleediaz</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 4:10pm<b>50_Shades_Of_Gay</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 12:37am<b>reagan_compton</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 4:00am<b>Oblivion239</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 8:52am<b>i_live_to_vault</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 5:57pm<b>skye147</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 5:04am<b>Xx_dankdoge_xX</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 7:29pm<b>chelsaaron</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 11:06pm<b>iJoeyVela</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 3:14pm<b>pixierara</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 7:08am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 5:43pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 9:57am

Fucked!<b>i_live_to_vault</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:57pm<b>50_Shades_Of_Gay</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 5:59pm<b>skye147</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 11:04am<b>aishah77</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 8:04pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 6:41am

davidisbeast's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of davidisbeast's badges

davidisbeast's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26487) - you deserved it (2452)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

#21376941
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28737) - you deserved it (3798)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30676) - you deserved it (5247)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26529) - you deserved it (3162)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

#21332358
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31831) - you deserved it (4050)

On 01/06/2015 at 10:54pm - love - by LadyNexus (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41420) - you deserved it (12430)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31575) - you deserved it (7837)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

#21269205
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41772) - you deserved it (6355)

On 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm - love - by EosThorn (woman) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

#21161395
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46576) - you deserved it (17039)

On 06/03/2014 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (33797) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

#21069128
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37336) - you deserved it (7757)

On 02/23/2014 at 3:10am - animals - by dsamanthas - United States (California)

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50074) - you deserved it (5123)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (34725)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML

#18296145
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28615) - you deserved it (4623)

On 11/20/2011 at 6:31am - love - by anonymous - United States



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