davidgclarkjr

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davidgclarkjr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 December 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1054
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About davidgclarkjr : A lucky beach-born kid with the absolute best, but worst luck.

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davidgclarkjr's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

by anon / 08/29/2012 at 12:52am / United States (Maine) / Money

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

by nobrony / 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

by grrr1234 / 07/01/2012 at 12:00pm / Kids

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 12:22am / Love

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

by JJBones / 06/29/2012 at 6:03am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

by thesmartone / 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

by lisahb / 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted, "You too". FML

by thefailwhale / 06/16/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

by fledermausi / 06/12/2012 at 9:02am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

by WaffleMan / 06/08/2012 at 7:58am / United States (New Jersey) / Work