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dav3800's favorite FMLs
Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
by bodyelectric / 04/13/2009 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML
by Vac / 04/05/2009 at 10:12am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML
by fmlsrsly / 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML
by Bden / 03/21/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML
by Sebastian / 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by lolzor / 03/12/2009 at 8:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by goodbye / 03/08/2009 at 8:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML
by booyouwhoree / 03/03/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by AppoKing / 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by KWM / 02/12/2009 at 8:28am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…