datshistylizard1

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datshistylizard1

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  • Number of visits : 3672
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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datshistylizard1's page activity

Visits<b>kitcat517</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 6:22pm

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datshistylizard1's favorite FMLs

Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2016 at 6:34am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML

by jasonvanr / 05/10/2016 at 4:19am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

by hungry hungry harvey / 05/08/2016 at 12:56pm / United States / Health

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

by shrek / 05/02/2016 at 6:25am / Australia / Work

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

by longing for emancipation / 04/29/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2016 at 1:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14 year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML

by BFFN / 04/14/2016 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 7:43pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

by ScarredDaughter / 03/29/2016 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called to see if my bridesmaid's dress was ready. They told me it had already been picked up, the bride's mom picked up the dress and got rid of it because she doesn't want me in the wedding. FML

by buttercup92 / 03/13/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

by Greenskies / 12/09/2015 at 10:26am / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 8:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML

by jellenwood / 11/07/2015 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.