Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

darth1

Search for a member

darth1
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 June 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 2061
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

darth1's last visitors

MiachelaAnnslaughterhouse5acrasiatripool24Mariaxha

darth1's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of darth1's badges

darth1's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

#19981825
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17785) - you deserved it (4380)

On 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm - health - by *facefloor* (man) - United States

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

#19743527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33938) - you deserved it (5624)

On 06/06/2012 at 10:19am - misc - by Bishop (man) -

Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11631) - you deserved it (51486) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

#19270252
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27448) - you deserved it (7014)

On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23692) - you deserved it (7493)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7515) - you deserved it (40072)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (4337)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

#18935378
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17097) - you deserved it (3828)

On 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13364) - you deserved it (34593)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

#18572874
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20618) - you deserved it (14101)

On 12/21/2011 at 7:07pm - work - by Tey - United States (Illinois)

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

#18534964
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28483) - you deserved it (5529) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by espylone - France

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7346) - you deserved it (68942)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

#18279694
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29771) - you deserved it (3709)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:22am - work - by Anothernametaken (man) - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37253) - you deserved it (7524)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: