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darrend1196's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
darrend1196's favorite FMLs
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML
by smoothies14 / 09/11/2015 at 9:15pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by tessie94 / 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm / Austria (Wien) / Love
by fire starter / 08/16/2015 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by okseñoryoucrazy / 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
by Waterfalls / 10/07/2014 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Animals
Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML
by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love
by liilii / 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm / India (Kerala) / Animals
by justthinkofyourhand / 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
by all puked out / 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…