Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

darrend1196

Online | Search for a member

darrend1196

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 November 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3036
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

darrend1196's page activity

Visits<b>SuperDani</b> - 19 hours ago<b>insanecutie</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 9:04am<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 6:50pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 7:05pm<b>LaZer_GaMe</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 8:17am<b>beckiebear</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:14am<b>emmaaadotcom</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 5:28am<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 3:48pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 6:06pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 4:14pm<b>aliceanon</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 3:14pm<b>Portuguese94</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 2:19pm<b>z0mBi3kiTTy</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 11:41am<b>SuperCaroline131</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:28am<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 11:32pm<b>EmperorChowilio</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 1:08am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 9:10am<b>olpally</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 10:58pm

darrend1196's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of darrend1196's badges

darrend1196's favorite FMLs

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35471) - you deserved it (9595)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31729) - you deserved it (18250)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36823) - you deserved it (2897)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42119) - you deserved it (11731)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

#21248448
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32397) - you deserved it (5754)

On 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm - misc - by liilii (man) - India (Kerala)

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

#21208167
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40193) - you deserved it (4260)

On 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm - love - by justthinkofyourhand - United States (California)

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47600) - you deserved it (4018)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50085) - you deserved it (5344)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

#21207995
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54745) - you deserved it (4425)

On 07/13/2014 at 2:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

#21207963
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38392) - you deserved it (6454)

On 07/13/2014 at 1:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42266) - you deserved it (6251)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58278) - you deserved it (7232)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41711) - you deserved it (13613)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53080) - you deserved it (8005)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

#21193691
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26164) - you deserved it (38630)

On 06/30/2014 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: