darrend1196

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Offline (the 08/28/2016 at 2:59pm)

darrend1196

16Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Edinburgh, United Kingdom
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 November 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10809
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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darrend1196's page activity

Visits<b>5t3ff1k4h</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 9:42am<b>Mae342</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 10:43pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 6:59pm<b>PikachuTaylor</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 2:17pm<b>cassiet1515</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 3:14pm<b>TrulyConfused</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 1:30am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 11:51am<b>Larissa24</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 3:09am<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 9:11am<b>Kristijan</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 6:23pm<b>333_333</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 4:57am<b>SebastianCT</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 4:13pm<b>TheLemonMan</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 10:08pm<b>SmurfySadia</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 11:02pm<b>styles829</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 11:39pm<b>happypenguins</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 10:27pm<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 7:14pm<b>iAlissa</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 4:05pm

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 3:11pm<b>Kristijan</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 12:23am<b>KaidensCrow</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 10:42am<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 7:55pm<b>djdude0562</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 9:25pm<b>marcusterry</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 7:07pm<b>crepesuzette</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 11:50pm<b>MadMaxy</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 3:35am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 6:14pm<b>davered89</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 11:50am<b>Sydne11233</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 8:45pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 5:25pm<b>C00kiesNcream</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 9:07pm<b>SampleSext</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 4:15am<b>TheJm4jEst1c</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 3:01am

darrend1196's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of darrend1196's badges

darrend1196's favorite FMLs

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML

by smoothies14 / 09/11/2015 at 9:15pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML

by tessie94 / 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

by fire starter / 08/16/2015 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 1:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

by okseñoryoucrazy / 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

by Waterfalls / 10/07/2014 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Animals

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

by liilii / 08/30/2014 at 12:40pm / India (Kerala) / Animals

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

by justthinkofyourhand / 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

by all puked out / 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy