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darklordofpotato

Offline (the 09/08/2014 at 11:28pm) | Search for a member

darklordofpotato

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  • Number of visits : 85
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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darklordofpotato's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44199) - you deserved it (8276)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

#21199096
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46575) - you deserved it (9132)

On 07/05/2014 at 12:26am - intimacy - by bad in the sack - United States

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42914) - you deserved it (6125)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

#21173506
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39792) - you deserved it (3739)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:07pm - misc - by Little Miss Fucket (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51215) - you deserved it (11154)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

#21165912
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42511) - you deserved it (13031)

On 06/07/2014 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - Australia

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46362) - you deserved it (6406)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (3234)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41427) - you deserved it (19123)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51836) - you deserved it (7833)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore



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