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About darkenedkitten : i love video games.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8854) - you deserved it (37169)
On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (4178)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30878) - you deserved it (4297)
On 09/14/2011 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by ohmaigawd (woman) - Argentina
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10561) - you deserved it (122944)
On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41865) - you deserved it (7379)
On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33195) - you deserved it (4649)
On 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm - money - by Lame (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42296) - you deserved it (2867)
On 02/05/2011 at 7:02am - misc - by bob - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34452) - you deserved it (3916)
On 02/05/2011 at 4:32am - love - by em - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)
Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23886) - you deserved it (2471)
On 02/05/2011 at 2:16am - love - by sadman (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10521) - you deserved it (18915)
On 01/21/2011 at 6:41am - love - by gummy bear -
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10123) - you deserved it (26219) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you deserved it (20278) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (4670)
On 01/16/2011 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (3962)
Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a random girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17047) - you deserved it (30243)
On 01/08/2011 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Username - United States
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