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dark_mamba945

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dark_mamba945

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 January 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 922
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dark_mamba945's page activity

Visits<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 9:18am<b>DAKILA</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 11:27am<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 11:11am

dark_mamba945's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of dark_mamba945's badges

dark_mamba945's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (29523)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38114) - you deserved it (6705)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30934) - you deserved it (2427)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38296) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

#21332664
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (5131)

On 01/07/2015 at 12:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34497) - you deserved it (3737)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

#21320382
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27427) - you deserved it (4632)

On 12/19/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33647) - you deserved it (9885)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42339) - you deserved it (2991)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36034) - you deserved it (5971)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

#21295289
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34663) - you deserved it (3826)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:31am - misc - by analgirl (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31442) - you deserved it (7812)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32292) - you deserved it (3373)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (14481)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (33387)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)



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