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dark_mamba945

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dark_mamba945

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 January 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 437
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dark_mamba945's page activity

Visits<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 9:18am<b>DAKILA</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 11:27am<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 11:11am

dark_mamba945's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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dark_mamba945's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38267) - you deserved it (4414)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

#21182108
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41745) - you deserved it (4245)

On 06/20/2014 at 5:00pm - health - by blackchin III (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45718) - you deserved it (7645)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45437) - you deserved it (5441)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47353) - you deserved it (7209)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48918) - you deserved it (4376)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

#21139580
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53876) - you deserved it (6634)

On 05/14/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, me and the guy I was dating ran into my sister at the mall. He took one look at her and mumbled, "Great, I chose the ugly one" under his breath. FML

#21137666
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57790) - you deserved it (5618)

On 05/12/2014 at 12:01pm - love - by bambam - United States (Texas)

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37447) - you deserved it (19873)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40020) - you deserved it (6967)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43063) - you deserved it (6038)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

#21117292
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41432) - you deserved it (5045)

On 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm - love - by snore - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53064) - you deserved it (6799)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41165) - you deserved it (17744)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML



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