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dark_mamba945

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dark_mamba945

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 January 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1061
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dark_mamba945's page activity

Visits<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 9:18am<b>DAKILA</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 11:27am<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 11:11am

dark_mamba945's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of dark_mamba945's badges

dark_mamba945's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27830) - you deserved it (4598)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44271) - you deserved it (2943)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

#21378887
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28609) - you deserved it (3408)

On 03/21/2015 at 11:12am - misc - by ajodasdojsad (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

#21370481
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31843) - you deserved it (15)

On 03/08/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35600) - you deserved it (3255)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32597) - you deserved it (3038)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106) - you deserved it (31427)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38280) - you deserved it (6729)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

#21341346
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31000) - you deserved it (2430)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38269) - you deserved it (3300)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

#21332664
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34438) - you deserved it (5143)

On 01/07/2015 at 12:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

#21321539
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34542) - you deserved it (3745)

On 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm - work - by anonix (man) - Canada

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook showing a side-by-side view of me before and after I'd tried out my new makeup. My dad commented, "What is this, Gollum cosplaying an Orc?" My mum, brother, and over 20 "friends" liked his comment. FML

#21320382
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27463) - you deserved it (4635)

On 12/19/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33679) - you deserved it (9926)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (3036)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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