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daringtoride's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
by m / 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML
by needmorelocks / 07/03/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by zombieguyswife / 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
by cunting cunts / 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Transportation
Today, I got yelled at and called a pedo by a mother after I sat down in a swing next to her daughter. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I'm a 20 year old who really does enjoy swinging in my spare time. FML
by CA19oo / 05/27/2012 at 9:13am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
by Zack / 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML
by Baustigt / 03/28/2012 at 7:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML
by Shleebs / 03/19/2012 at 3:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Health