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Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19803) - you deserved it (8926)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20220) - you deserved it (2516)
On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14682) - you deserved it (2191)
On 10/28/2012 at 8:29am - work - by radioinvader (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2581) - you deserved it (22295) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Jugan - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19904) - you deserved it (4038)
On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16682) - you deserved it (1362)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:56pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I thought it would be funny to cut my white trash uncle's rat-tail off. He thought it would be funny to break three of my fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5997) - you deserved it (34163)
On 09/26/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by umadbrosky - United States (Maryland)
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15423) - you deserved it (923)
On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (1979)
On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States
Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19127) - you deserved it (1401)
On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29495) - you deserved it (2878)
Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12534) - you deserved it (2030)
On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)
Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18785) - you deserved it (2618)
On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (4962)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19146) - you deserved it (2156)
On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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