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darien987

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darien987
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 466
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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darien987's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15363) - you deserved it (19654)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20035) - you deserved it (9357)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

#18766108
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36764) - you deserved it (3390)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - India

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (5849)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

#17669006
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27325) - you deserved it (2567)

On 09/05/2011 at 9:00am - misc - by Brie - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

#17507897
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20915) - you deserved it (2247)

On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19803) - you deserved it (50323)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44293) - you deserved it (14893)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66301) - you deserved it (16919)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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