darien987

Search for a member

darien987

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 911
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

darien987's page activity

Visits<b>tweak2011</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 6:33am<b>dontmindme7</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 10:19am<b>AwkwardBookworm</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 5:27pm<b>louiec</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 2:19am<b>Shay_Shay97</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 3:19pm<b>Myorafield</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:38pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:16am<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:59am<b>facelick</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 5:39pm<b>jezzilla</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 10:50pm<b>FALCONLOVERXXX</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 9:27am<b>freezingmylife</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 3:00pm<b>weraru</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 12:11am<b>Spyingcheeseman</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 7:20am<b>Classy_Turtle</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:58pm<b>eyunayev</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 9:14am<b>michel242o</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 10:51pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 04/11/2013 at 4:11am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 2:16pm

darien987's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

darien987's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm / India / Intimacy

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm / India / Kids

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

by Brie / 09/05/2011 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

by boyfriend123 / 08/18/2011 at 6:02am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 5:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

by psychortiz / 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy