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Today, I called my girlfriend to ask her to the movies. She declined and said she was sick and was going to sleep. Wanting to see the movie, I invited my mom and we went. My mom then pointed out my "sick" girlfriend making out with a guy. My mom threw a full bag of popcorn at her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82118) - you totally deserved it (2693)
On 06/07/2009 at 1:35am - love - by Reject3d (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30489) - you totally deserved it (11549)
On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16597) - you totally deserved it (52349)
On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11351) - you totally deserved it (44532)
On 04/14/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by khood (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (74013) - you totally deserved it (4492)
On 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm - money - by blaise (man) - United States (New York)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (90263) - you totally deserved it (11065)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64356) - you totally deserved it (1961)
On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - misc - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77044) - you totally deserved it (2243)
On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then proceeded to tell me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwhich. Funny dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42725) - you totally deserved it (5962)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:13pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96204) - you totally deserved it (9462)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I walked into the confession booth for the 1st time and start to tell my sins. I mentioned how I had sex with multiple men over the last month. I began to continue telling my sins, until I heard laughter. It turned out my brother was playing hid and seek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42345) - you totally deserved it (6814)
On 04/10/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by vic - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49685) - you totally deserved it (4768)
On 04/09/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by ZachooMackoo (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54654) - you totally deserved it (10547)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8913) - you totally deserved it (57856)
On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you totally deserved it (34331)
On 04/07/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by nextstopplz - New Zealand (Auckland)
