Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dantee2005

Search for a member

dantee2005

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 452
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About dantee2005 : I love Everybody,
Some i love to be around,
Some i love to avoid,
and some I'd love to punch in the face.

Ps
Apparently I'm a terrible person and/or an asshole. So be on your guard

dantee2005's page activity

Visits<b>polishguy05</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Deeeee_gut</b> - yesterday at 10:51pm<b>maxymum7</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 5:36am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 7:15pm<b>fmylifeNOT</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 3:56pm<b>weedxmanx420x</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 8:28pm<b>Narttu</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 2:04pm<b>cavanlad</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 11:00am<b>tayraaah</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 9:19am<b>slippy327</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 6:19am<b>JacobH34</b> - the 03/20/2014 at 6:44pm<b>Exploding_Birds</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 6:30pm<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 8:39pm<b>erinblackk</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 7:29am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 1:53am<b>sharmayank2</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 8:30am<b>ineedalogin</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 10:54pm<b>ichanter</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 3:56am

dantee2005's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of dantee2005's badges

dantee2005's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43043) - you deserved it (6102)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51453) - you deserved it (6470)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35584) - you deserved it (20411)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, I found out about my co-workers' new game. Whoever talks to me first loses. FML

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

#20984907
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44574) - you deserved it (3662)

On 12/08/2013 at 11:49am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66554) - you deserved it (5554)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42722) - you deserved it (17412)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26207) - you deserved it (52552)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43016) - you deserved it (5217)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47369) - you deserved it (5214)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52413) - you deserved it (7649)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54345) - you deserved it (12187)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47318) - you deserved it (17694)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: