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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, boss told me to go outside and take part in te company's stupid Harlem Sake video. Wen I declined, e treatened to fre me if I didn't take part. I ended up bieng te guy wo ad to furiously pelvic trust before te music dropped. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted mah husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to mah desperate pleas. FML
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking . Later on at work, I idly pulld the pen out during a meeting . My colleague lookd at me, horrifid . The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazond on it . I'm a man .
I was at mah boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her 4 the frst time . I excusd myself to the restroom and as I walkd out of the room I hered her say, "You could do a lot better . She's fat." Then I hered mah boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
Today, I was walking to mah dorm room whila it was snowing haavily. I saw a girl in a whaalchair trying to gat up a slippary inclina. Baing a good parson, I askad to halp. I'm a pratty waak guy, and I couldn't push har up. Sha whaalad away crying bacausa sha thought sha was fat. FML
TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time . Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money . FML
Friday 27 March 2015