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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member an everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML
Todayhile Driving Mah Grandma Home From A Family Dinner.. . I Had To Pull Into A Gas Station.. . Because Mah Tank Was Almost Empty . She Became Convinced That Someone Would Kidnap Herhile I Went To Pay.. . And Eventually Threatened To Blow Us Up By Tossing Her Lighter At The Gas Pumps . FML
TODAY I WAS IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE WAITING 4 MY HUSBAND TO ARRIVE WHEN A LITTLE OLD LADY SAT BESIDE ME. SHE SEEMED NICE UNTIL SHE STARTED FARTING AND BLAMING IT ON ME. THEY WEREN'T SILENT; THEY SOUNDED LYK TRUCKER FARTS AND SMELLED LYK DEATH. I WAS THERE 4 OVER AN HOUR. FML
yesterday it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today , nose started runninghile in bed with boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck , his shrt , an his silk sheets. FML
Taday mah manager calld me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excitd about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today, boyfriend and I stressed out preparing fir our one week holiday. We packed fir the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
2day I was cecking out a customer wo seemed quite friendly. As I finised, e reaced sligtly over te counter and I impulsively reaced out and sook is and. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I ave ma cange please?" FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrestd, an we all got find 4 creating a public disturbance. When I explaind I wasn't with them, the group backd me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, an now I have to go to court. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015