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danilols689

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danilols689

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  • Number of visits : 4500
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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danilols689's favorite FMLs

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26102) - you deserved it (1461)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

#3846
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25369) - you deserved it (2631)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:08pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20899) - you deserved it (5663)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, at work I got a message from some dude trying to flirt with me. While I was cracking up and making fun of him with my friends, I get a message from him saying look directly behind you, and there he was staring at me. FML

#2721
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5471) - you deserved it (29552)

On 01/26/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by godhatesme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said, loudly, "Haha, you can't even walk." I then notice the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

#2244
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7400) - you deserved it (26166)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:22pm - misc - by william - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says "What's for dinner?". FML

#2177
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6763) - you deserved it (23784)

On 01/22/2009 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

#1986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5381) - you deserved it (40679)

On 01/21/2009 at 5:03am - work - by Wititipwitpwit - Sent from mobile version

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

#1817
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24761) - you deserved it (5662)

On 01/20/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by mainche - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

#1813
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22256) - you deserved it (1654)

On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18806) - you deserved it (36602)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

#1507
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30897) - you deserved it (6541)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by Allenburg - United States (California)

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

#1452
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18278) - you deserved it (1504)

On 01/17/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by millzee - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

#1399
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8710) - you deserved it (38816)

On 01/16/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

#1305
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31055) - you deserved it (5707)

On 01/15/2009 at 8:25pm - health - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

#984
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22637) - you deserved it (4448)

On 01/12/2009 at 4:55am - money - by Celina - United States (California)



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