Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

danielhopek

Search for a member

danielhopek

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 91
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

danielhopek's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

danielhopek's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

#20898243
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41012) - you deserved it (9308)

On 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by ;_;" (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54024) - you deserved it (5360)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53278) - you deserved it (8403)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63190) - you deserved it (14394)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

#20627190
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51333) - you deserved it (10576)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:16am - misc - by Beth - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53011) - you deserved it (10207)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40977) - you deserved it (5315)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49000) - you deserved it (11617)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (4929)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32869) - you deserved it (50769) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40817) - you deserved it (4755)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38356) - you deserved it (2947)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42777) - you deserved it (5397)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53602) - you deserved it (3907)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: