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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26549) - you deserved it (64140)
On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31086) - you deserved it (65756)
On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (462285) - you deserved it (574226)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51829) - you deserved it (3589)
On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (353931) - you deserved it (66720)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23611) - you deserved it (85966)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178350) - you deserved it (61523)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10641) - you deserved it (39412)
On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9321) - you deserved it (24415)
On 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by The V Sal - United States (Maryland)
Today, I took my friend to buy a pregancy test. She took it and it came out negative. I decided to re-pee on it to be funny...it turned to positive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45417) - you deserved it (16972)
On 02/12/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by whybia (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (21890)
On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (21890)
On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)
Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22320) - you deserved it (3536)
On 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Lars - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5248) - you deserved it (11509)
On 01/29/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by jalopenos - United Kingdom (Somerset)
Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I didn't notice my roommates had put glad wrap between the seat and toilet, so i got piss and shit all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12455) - you deserved it (3080)
On 01/23/2009 at 5:45am - misc - by ohn0es - United States (Kansas)
Friday 24 May 2013
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