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dang

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  • Number of visits : 63871
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

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dang's page activity

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dang's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

dang's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

#1775896
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30365) - you deserved it (77479)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26855) - you deserved it (95590)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16405) - you deserved it (125758)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (69783)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123680) - you deserved it (6663)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (58769)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40744) - you deserved it (15409)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89237) - you deserved it (7241)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45396) - you deserved it (21126)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

#1035901
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78264) - you deserved it (6175)

On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

#992222
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122161) - you deserved it (7042)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML

#966789
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29815) - you deserved it (87743)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:45am - love - by oxbbabexo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98737) - you deserved it (23107)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

#915602
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16634) - you deserved it (51182)

On 04/11/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by effingawwesome (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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