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dancinwookie

Offline (the 12/12/2014 at 8:19pm) | Search for a member

dancinwookie

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7033
  • Number of comments : 245
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.

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Visits<b>tiberhits</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 4:31am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:19am<b>NJSchreck</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 4:12pm<b>jensensfuckbuddy</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:07am<b>I_Am_Lamp_</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 12:07am<b>CloudBustah</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:01am<b>Alikia96</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 3:11am<b>trellz17</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 12:51pm<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 4:04am<b>pinkpig23</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 3:47pm<b>AwkwardShoe</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 1:55pm<b>NachoYoda</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 10:48pm<b>TdotMaria</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 5:01pm<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:56pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 7:45pm<b>mohamed_H</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:23am<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 12:18pm<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 12:37am

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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

#17233165
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42620) - you deserved it (5573) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31031) - you deserved it (89851)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

#17088457
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30743) - you deserved it (6384)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

#17035825
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33757) - you deserved it (7348)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

#17023153
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52929) - you deserved it (10550)

On 07/08/2011 at 1:19am - love - by Nick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

#16982648
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11048) - you deserved it (56952)

On 07/05/2011 at 3:06am - love - by eatmywords (man) - Singapore

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

#16977432
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (5920)

On 07/04/2011 at 8:25pm - misc - by brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

#16966151
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41470) - you deserved it (3332)

On 07/03/2011 at 10:02pm - health - by wastedbaby - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

#16881052
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38327) - you deserved it (5124)

On 06/27/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by MakeMyDay_27 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

#16690008
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32400) - you deserved it (3703)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:25am - animals - by crapped on - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a video of him having sex with someone from one of his last relationships because he thought it would turn me on. FML

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

#16646185
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46614) - you deserved it (18190)

On 06/13/2011 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by secretpornstar - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

#16643815
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43187) - you deserved it (3371)

On 06/13/2011 at 12:12pm - love - by Uhh (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

#16606089
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26650) - you deserved it (3000)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:37am - intimacy - by dadisgoatboy - Switzerland (Aargau)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

#16548173
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38686) - you deserved it (10479)

On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States



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