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dancer_15234

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dancer_15234

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dancer_15234's favorite FMLs

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35563) - you deserved it (6479)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

#21315826
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (2215)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm - kids - by anon - United States (New York)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35398) - you deserved it (4278)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

#21301827
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34915) - you deserved it (3651)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:27am - intimacy - by jigglypluff (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

#21292660
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25829) - you deserved it (2412)

On 11/05/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by chlorobitch551 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33709) - you deserved it (5399)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35877) - you deserved it (4223)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43261) - you deserved it (3653)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

#21266558
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30439) - you deserved it (5567)

On 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38106) - you deserved it (8618)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40176) - you deserved it (3812)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24885) - you deserved it (45015)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46655) - you deserved it (3674)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56677) - you deserved it (41778)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML



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