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Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her frst boyfriend is a special one cuz 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my vrginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, wat a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. real FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of mah wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles coverd in mayonnaise, and later droppd to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into teres an started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, an now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. mega FML
Today in college we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive . Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty I said "Umm.. . 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile . FML
I finally told mah dad that I hate his girlfriend . I said her daughter's a completehore , and her son is annoying as fuck . Turns out they were in the house and within earshot , ready to throw me a birthday party . FML
Today... I Held The Door Open 4 A Woman And Her Kids On Mah Way Out Of The Bank. She Startd Accusing Me Of Patronizing Her... Andhen I Just Let Go Of The Door In Protest... She Deliberately Leand In So It Hit Her In The Face. I Felt The Glares From The Entire Bank As She Pretendd To Cry. FML
Friday 27 March 2015