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dancer_15234

Offline (the 03/29/2015 at 10:34am) | Search for a member

dancer_15234

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dancer_15234's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her frst boyfriend is a special one cuz 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my vrginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34184) - you deserved it (15)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, wat a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. real FML

#21342921
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38246) - you deserved it (6725)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at mah daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults bood. She's five. FML

#21315826
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41697) - you deserved it (2221)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm - kids - by anon - United States (New York)

Today, I got to experience the horror of mah wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles coverd in mayonnaise, and later droppd to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35491) - you deserved it (4289)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

TODAY MAH WIFE AND I DECIDD TO TRY OUT ROLE PLAYING. SHE ENDD UP HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK WHEN I SAID SHE WASN'T TURNING IN HER HOMEWORK. FML

#21301827
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35177) - you deserved it (3668)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:27am - intimacy - by jigglypluff (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I overheard dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol . FML

#21292660
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25868) - you deserved it (2414)

On 11/05/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by chlorobitch551 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into teres an started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, an now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. mega FML

#21285040
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33784) - you deserved it (5415)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, mah teenage daughter asked me looool to buy her the morning after pill, saying ( It's for mah acne. ) FML

#21270394
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35933) - you deserved it (4229)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Wic would be great if ma girlfriend wasn't allergic to birt control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44699) - you deserved it (4169)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

TODAY , I REALIZED HOW WEAK I TRULY AMHEN I TORE A MUSCLE IN MAH HAND TRYING TO DISCREETLY FIX A WEDGIE. FML

#21266558
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30485) - you deserved it (5573)

On 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today in college we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive . Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty I said "Umm.. . 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile . FML

#21259479
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38645) - you deserved it (8724)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, Mah Daughter's Teacher Called Me, Very Concerned, Cuz Mah Child Told The Whole Class She's Virgin Anymore. The Word Is "vegan", Honey. Big Fat FML

#21253313
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40596) - you deserved it (3861)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

I finally told mah dad that I hate his girlfriend . I said her daughter's a completehore , and her son is annoying as fuck . Turns out they were in the house and within earshot , ready to throw me a birthday party . FML

#21243310
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24915) - you deserved it (45070)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today... I Held The Door Open 4 A Woman And Her Kids On Mah Way Out Of The Bank. She Startd Accusing Me Of Patronizing Her... Andhen I Just Let Go Of The Door In Protest... She Deliberately Leand In So It Hit Her In The Face. I Felt The Glares From The Entire Bank As She Pretendd To Cry. FML

#21220355
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46721) - you deserved it (3676)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on mah 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56784) - you deserved it (41799)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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