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damn_it_damn_it

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damn_it_damn_it
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1732
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

#4523037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48065) - you deserved it (3165)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by haha247 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

#4511410
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43201) - you deserved it (14328)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by onehundredpercenteffed (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

#4429167
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37671) - you deserved it (11508)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by kmf - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69220) - you deserved it (5944)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (6085)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

#4357009
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46678) - you deserved it (8393)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:17am - intimacy - by nikkrissa_04 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

#4264267
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52676) - you deserved it (1934)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She has been there all day. FML

#4255105
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42689) - you deserved it (3429)

On 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm - work - by Azcrazy (man) - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

#4244213
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44632) - you deserved it (4071)

On 08/03/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63667) - you deserved it (14527)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7317) - you deserved it (103524)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

#4095449
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40791) - you deserved it (7037)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

#4095449
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40791) - you deserved it (7037)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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