Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dakatabg

Search for a member

dakatabg
  • Town/Country : Chicago, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 469
  • Number of comments : 155
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About dakatabg : Chicago city!!!!

BMW "M Series" and Mercedes "AMG"

dakatabg's last visitors

thedevilspawnsoccerforlife_27anditsThatOneGuy719hurtfeetBafrinnn_rosieZYLAIsabelsxo

dakatabg's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of dakatabg's badges

dakatabg's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47840) - you deserved it (4626)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

#20638884
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39296) - you deserved it (2755)

On 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62114) - you deserved it (7545)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

#20638691
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24722) - you deserved it (65588)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by acnecream - Finland (Eastern Finland)

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

#20638629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50293) - you deserved it (6851)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

#20638599
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44162) - you deserved it (4461)

On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

#20638400
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42118) - you deserved it (2836)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:35am - work - by clutzasaurus (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

#20638375
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51473) - you deserved it (8807)

On 05/03/2013 at 1:16am - love - by SingleStrongArm - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58174) - you deserved it (8824)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48564) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67173) - you deserved it (7567)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44924) - you deserved it (6991)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

#20636996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57226) - you deserved it (6706)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49234) - you deserved it (6922)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: