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daftwench

Offline (the 04/29/2015 at 9:50am) | Search for a member

daftwench

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 March 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 290
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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daftwench's page activity

Visits<b>SingingWolf</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 12:09pm<b>Siettadulce</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 8:25am<b>Tylerj1124</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 4:13pm

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daftwench's favorite FMLs

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (15302)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39616) - you deserved it (5040)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

#21345231
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28881) - you deserved it (1989)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by I'm screwed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30747) - you deserved it (3164)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35590) - you deserved it (9619)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

#21256247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32865) - you deserved it (12589)

On 09/11/2014 at 10:57am - misc - by ayeayeboy19 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44619) - you deserved it (3589)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43349) - you deserved it (9434) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43116) - you deserved it (4313)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

#21149341
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (4434)

On 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm - kids - by todaddy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53728) - you deserved it (4711)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50749) - you deserved it (11466)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44753) - you deserved it (6522)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48155) - you deserved it (9593)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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