cynide

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cynide

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1876
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About cynide : 69

cynide's page activity

Visits<b>TheGreastest</b> - the 09/20/2016 at 7:40pm<b>saxaddict122</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 1:42pm<b>nataliewby</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 3:15pm<b>happysmile987</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 2:19pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 7:10am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 1:22pm<b>stylesrepublic</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:41pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:10pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 12:35pm<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 1:10pm<b>maxinator5000</b> - the 11/18/2013 at 9:15pm<b>RMoreNY</b> - the 11/18/2013 at 8:59pm

cynide's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of cynide's badges

cynide's favorite FMLs

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

by Uncomfortable / 05/17/2013 at 3:21am / Intimacy

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

by presente13 / 05/17/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

by Gurior / 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 6:16am / United States / Love

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

by tishihish / 12/12/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids