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cyhewit

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cyhewit's favorite FMLs

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47947) - you deserved it (23064)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34530) - you deserved it (6689)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (3151)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26360) - you deserved it (2956)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32761) - you deserved it (6101)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49328) - you deserved it (4756)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35773) - you deserved it (5171)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55458) - you deserved it (9863)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16421) - you deserved it (30018)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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