Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cyanidesandwich

Offline (the 06/28/2015 at 1:57pm) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4239
  • Number of comments : 236
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>Aubreychendi_</b> - 14 hours ago<b>MrsJoHood</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 4:52am<b>Iarla_ceapaire93</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 9:26am<b>munuxi</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 1:05am<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 12:21pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:55am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 9:34pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:38pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 5:55pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 6:45pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 9:20am<b>arano</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:31pm<b>mibs3</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:37pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 6:09am<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 1:11am<b>raevend</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 7:07am<b>gregsgirlfriend</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 9:06am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:34am<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cyanidesandwich's badges

cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39479) - you deserved it (3441)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32711) - you deserved it (5990)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36277) - you deserved it (9875)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

#17450169
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (4644)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43596) - you deserved it (6426)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32112) - you deserved it (4303)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53552) - you deserved it (3285)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

#17288332
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32831) - you deserved it (2767)

On 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm - health - by shroooms (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

#17231826
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41933) - you deserved it (2845)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

#17172932
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41258) - you deserved it (6301)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:24am - kids - by hatemylife - United States (New York)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38253) - you deserved it (3365)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38253) - you deserved it (3365)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22042) - you deserved it (43589)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

#16277125
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40389) - you deserved it (5300)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:42am - misc - by thatsasquee - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11554) - you deserved it (37620)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: