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Offline (the 08/08/2014 at 10:44pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 13599
  • Number of comments : 1049
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 70 posted

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cwl727's page activity

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cwl727's FML badges

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cwl727's favorite FMLs

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

by Arthur / 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm / United States / Kids

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

by melmel / 05/05/2014 at 1:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

by gircos / 04/29/2014 at 8:10pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

by Almost_Homeless / 04/23/2014 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

by Not-pregnant / 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

by reb / 04/19/2014 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Love

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

by cricha4208 / 04/15/2014 at 10:01am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

by MisterGasMoney / 04/13/2014 at 1:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

by worker666 / 04/13/2014 at 10:51am / United States / Work

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2014 at 1:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

by voyagevoyage / 04/09/2014 at 6:38pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous