About cwjb99 : Hi im bored right now so i just like reading these and im really into JohnCena
cwjb99's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
cwjb99's favorite FMLs
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML
by really / 02/19/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Money
by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I have problems going when other people are there, so I waited until everyone left. Two girls noticed I was taking a long time, and started giggling and throwing notes under the door asking if I was alive. This continued for half an hour. FML
by please leave... / 02/13/2013 at 2:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML
by AplJax3 / 02/06/2013 at 4:05pm / United States / Health
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
by hopelessteej / 01/28/2013 at 8:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML
by forever1990 / 01/28/2013 at 6:52am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
by shitday / 01/27/2013 at 6:47pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
- « Previous page
- Next page »
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…