Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cutie718

Search for a member

cutie718

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 436
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

cutie718's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

cutie718's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML

#14784693
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30156) - you deserved it (2415)

On 01/31/2011 at 4:28am - misc - by freckleboy422 - United States (California)

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

#14448296
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (4371)

On 01/03/2011 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

#14427516
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25278) - you deserved it (3438)

On 01/01/2011 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40223) - you deserved it (9881)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

#14180759
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33680) - you deserved it (4043)

On 12/12/2010 at 4:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30363) - you deserved it (7689)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

#13017861
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34384) - you deserved it (4470)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

#13015077
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26576) - you deserved it (2384)

On 09/12/2010 at 3:23am - work - by ihatemyjob - Canada

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

#13013607
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (4399)

On 09/12/2010 at 1:22am - love - by stood-up (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

#13005012
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29067) - you deserved it (3166)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by wantontsu -

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

#12998632
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30718) - you deserved it (3280)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

#12994880
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10298) - you deserved it (36072)

On 09/10/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by charlie043 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: