I'm clumsy, silly, and so very unfortunate. Which is why I like to laugh at FMLs.
:-p
Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65540) - you totally deserved it (2134)
On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidently swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6670) - you totally deserved it (47802)
On 04/09/2009 at 10:40pm - health - by clublulu (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (67950) - you totally deserved it (2177)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (75095) - you totally deserved it (8920)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55425) - you totally deserved it (18806)
On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47387) - you totally deserved it (6710)
On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60281) - you totally deserved it (3120)
On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled 'what's a clit'? Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you totally deserved it (57171)
On 03/09/2009 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by danmarino (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52041) - you totally deserved it (15696)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (127813) - you totally deserved it (96543)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by plus-sign=bad (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML
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On 03/05/2009 at 10:10am - work - by crub (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37976) - you totally deserved it (3512)
On 02/27/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by klutz - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55004) - you totally deserved it (5147)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by justanaccount (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML
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On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
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On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore
