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cucumbermelondis

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cucumbermelondis

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 August 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 111
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cucumbermelondis's favorite FMLs

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (5212)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42053) - you deserved it (5440)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10390) - you deserved it (62910)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37307) - you deserved it (4010)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

#19250410
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35861) - you deserved it (5280)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11749) - you deserved it (37359)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

#18042854
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12634) - you deserved it (48696)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

#17991756
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22156) - you deserved it (3716)

On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39336) - you deserved it (4694)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

#17385440
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (2669)

On 08/06/2011 at 5:28am - health - by LH0026 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (5605)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

#16851241
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32571) - you deserved it (3419)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by muddygal (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

#16515986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (7033)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm - love - by Jakub89 - Canada (Ontario)



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