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crystalxa

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crystalxa
  • Town/Country : Grand rapids, United states
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 January 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 205
  • Number of comments : 120
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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crystalxa's FML badges

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You have thumbed 5000 comments.

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You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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crystalxa's favorite FMLs

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35780) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, after leaving my workplace, I realized that I forgot some important work papers. When I went back to get them, I was faced with the sight of my boss and a coworker getting it on against my desk. FML

#21087500
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42857) - you deserved it (3787)

On 03/15/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43786) - you deserved it (7883)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42407) - you deserved it (4584)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55389) - you deserved it (6864)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

#21071183
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39500) - you deserved it (7013)

On 02/25/2014 at 11:59am - love - by jill (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

#21065212
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (9537)

On 02/19/2014 at 2:17am - misc - by thisismyawkwardface (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40715) - you deserved it (13916)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46670) - you deserved it (15553)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38550) - you deserved it (7451)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52474) - you deserved it (9405)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41983) - you deserved it (5455)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you deserved it (5526)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

#21038402
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38943) - you deserved it (3058)

On 01/24/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35162) - you deserved it (4111)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)



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