Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

crystalxa

Offline (7 hours ago) | Search for a member

crystalxa

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Grand Rapids, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 January 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2101
  • Number of comments : 183
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About crystalxa : I love my furr babies, and Harry Potter. Nuff said.

crystalxa's page activity

Visits<b>rogwest</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 10:36am<b>DO24SS</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 2:59am<b>Rozza17</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 11:55pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 6:28am<b>mcintosh123</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 4:26am<b>Semperfi92340</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 1:17am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:30pm<b>WellHelloThere47</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 11:29pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 2:47pm<b>theboringdolphin</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 3:54pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 2:39pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 10:37pm<b>peanuty001</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 2:04pm<b>mcklewhore</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:52am<b>morondon000</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 8:03pm<b>nreed32</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 2:40pm<b>tyler_jay</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 4:48pm<b>Helvanica</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 6:11pm

Liked!<b>rogwest</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 1:45am<b>Zoey_M</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 7:22pm

crystalxa's FML badges

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of crystalxa's badges

crystalxa's favorite FMLs

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

#21315060
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32118) - you deserved it (2476)

On 12/10/2014 at 2:58pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40607) - you deserved it (2728)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44020) - you deserved it (3846)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40164) - you deserved it (3420)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

#21283288
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41849) - you deserved it (3121)

On 10/22/2014 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by BadLuckLad (man) - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32128) - you deserved it (3028)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34264) - you deserved it (12255)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40967) - you deserved it (4771)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (5866)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51036) - you deserved it (3671)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38788) - you deserved it (2578)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51610) - you deserved it (21092)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48269) - you deserved it (4545)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: