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crystalmonkeys

Offline (the 04/25/2015 at 2:11am) | Search for a member

crystalmonkeys

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 943
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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crystalmonkeys's page activity

Visits<b>ForwardUn2Dawn</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 6:34am

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crystalmonkeys's favorite FMLs

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

#21394027
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35957) - you deserved it (2591)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29269) - you deserved it (2466)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16715) - you deserved it (31683)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

#21387442
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

#21386342
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38168) - you deserved it (2084)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:43am - health - by usadisvet (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

#21385144
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28866) - you deserved it (3096)

On 04/01/2015 at 2:06am - love - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

#21382179
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you deserved it (8736)

On 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm - misc - by comfort_ - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

#21381191
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31633) - you deserved it (1879)

On 03/25/2015 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

#21357102
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40747) - you deserved it (2144)

On 02/16/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18773) - you deserved it (35634)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28632) - you deserved it (3050)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39138) - you deserved it (3343)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

#21342118
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (2218)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:40am - misc - by burningman (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38267) - you deserved it (3300)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom



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