Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 11/16/2015 at 10:32am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 April 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4602
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About crushcrusher : My favorite TV character once said, "the truth is, it's not love on which the strongest foundations are built, it's the decency of merciful lies." I kinda agree with him on that one or maybe it's just that bitterness is my middle name. I've been living long enough in my reveries: dating fictional characters, bands and medieval princes that sometimes I'd rather stay in my make-believe world. It's not healthy yeah but... Idk. Anyway, I'm nice so... *shrugs* ;) kik: nightmare18049 twitter/instagram: factiontraitor smule: initiatetransfer

crushcrusher's page activity

Visits<b>blackfire20</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:16am<b>Klima</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 9:20pm<b>Mons</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 1:19am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 11:46pm<b>Sammyns</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 1:31pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 7:05pm<b>9Ja4cOb</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 2:02am<b>SwimmerJon</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 10:41pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 9:52pm<b>delilablue95</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 10:15am<b>Kevinmeowbeanz</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 11:57pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 3:31pm<b>steftriv</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 10:10am<b>cocainewhore</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 7:29pm<b>Brian2911</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 11:02am<b>chr1sF</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:51pm<b>bomzo</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 1:57am<b>bigjake</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 8:24pm

Fucked!<b>delilablue95</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 3:15pm<b>bomzo</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 7:57am<b>shain1988</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 5:48am<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Jeeper4Life</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 3:52am<b>Delsanity</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 1:49am<b>jozhe</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 3:17pm<b>xsaladsandwich</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 10:37am<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 7:00am<b>BigxBriggs09</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 10:57pm<b>tiger820</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 7:44pm<b>DEFOE</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 4:35pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 3:17pm<b>demoguy6971</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 1:45pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 1:09pm<b>Jake42100</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 12:35pm<b>Shuff52</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:45pm<b>marshm610</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:20pm

crushcrusher's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of crushcrusher's badges

crushcrusher's favorite FMLs

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (2377)

On 09/09/2015 at 9:15pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11475) - you deserved it (24752)

On 09/02/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, I had to pull chunks of digested blanket out of my dog's ass because she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to eat the damn blanket. I can't stop smelling it. FML

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26149) - you deserved it (3666)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm - kids - by shit.jpg (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML


I agree, your life sucks (24718) - you deserved it (1725)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19216) - you deserved it (10719)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:00pm - misc - by ToddesPizza - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25202) - you deserved it (2541)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25799) - you deserved it (2017)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (4440)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21756) - you deserved it (1756)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27953) - you deserved it (3000)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (2888)

On 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26511) - you deserved it (3519)

On 07/17/2015 at 3:04am - love - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (21543)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: