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crueltwistoffate

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crueltwistoffate

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crueltwistoffate's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47636) - you deserved it (5078)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52476) - you deserved it (7651)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56088) - you deserved it (9306)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51498) - you deserved it (20754)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50993) - you deserved it (4862)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47195) - you deserved it (9137)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51173) - you deserved it (5642)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

#17786255
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50729) - you deserved it (6080)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Cantgetno (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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