Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About crowingfml : Coheed and Cambria .
My name is Chris and i think this is better than myspace, facebook, etc.
Message me =]
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML
Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML
Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML
Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML
Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML
Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML
Tuesday 3 March 2015