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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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crowingfml

About crowingfml : Coheed and Cambria .
My name is Chris and i think this is better than myspace, facebook, etc.
Message me =]

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crowingfml's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (14334) - you deserved it (2123)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (4178) - you deserved it (22475)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

#8608911 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (5412) - you deserved it (41324)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:45am - kids - by janesays (woman) - United States

Today, my boss made me some Tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my number 1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them. FML

#8576368 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (3640)

On 02/23/2010 at 12:17am - work - by meaganlea (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

#8554799 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (22895) - you deserved it (1446)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:32pm - health - by mynoseburns (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML

#8466183 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (5717) - you deserved it (25615)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:09am - health - by fatflabbyfail - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (14320) - you deserved it (1988)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

#8153486 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (16096) - you deserved it (2348)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:11am - health - by NotSoSick (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out the crappy shampoo I've been borrowing from my girlfriend is actually "feminine wash." FML

#8140774 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (3655) - you deserved it (18078)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:47pm - misc - by SummersEve (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was hit on by an older man. I rolled my eyes at him and informed him I was 16, hoping that would get him to leave me alone. He shrugged and said, "We're both human." FML

#8103902 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (17670) - you deserved it (1920)

On 02/10/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by creepster (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

#8094791 (306)

I agree, your life sucks (13725) - you deserved it (3692)

On 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm - animals - by snickerdoodles (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

#8052181 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (6055) - you deserved it (21995)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:52pm - misc - by fbcaught (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

#7967999 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (20231) - you deserved it (1410)

On 02/07/2010 at 9:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

#7913686 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (14852) - you deserved it (5818)

On 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm - animals - by doggie_doo_face (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

#7391699 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (35945) - you deserved it (3949)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)