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crotchpheasant

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crotchpheasant

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  • Number of visits : 765
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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crotchpheasant's favorite FMLs

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

#4313444
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52917) - you deserved it (4246)

On 08/05/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52977) - you deserved it (3599)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML

#4043992
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59430) - you deserved it (5443)

On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

#3821769
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (8938)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Cyberella (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60311) - you deserved it (7208)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

#3574946
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (9487)

On 07/08/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by feltuponthe69 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up and decided to get the morning paper, I went outside with my bath robe on and when I leaned down to get my paper my bath robe came undone. Apparently everyone on my street saw it and decided to bring up public nudity at the next neighborhood meeting. FML

#3457925
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33164) - you deserved it (8764)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by Embarresedguy (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

#3395339
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61637) - you deserved it (4211)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140199) - you deserved it (10019)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

#2766394
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48363) - you deserved it (8707)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:03am - work - by person (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

#2634152
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57603) - you deserved it (3524)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by layout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML

#1818781
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58852) - you deserved it (5700)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

#1518935
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70301) - you deserved it (4718)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14950) - you deserved it (62856)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

#1449729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70711) - you deserved it (4506)

On 04/29/2009 at 5:40am - health - by Mars (woman) - United States (California)



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