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crotchpheasant

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crotchpheasant
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 570
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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crotchpheasant's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

#8927721
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21462) - you deserved it (4621)

On 03/08/2010 at 7:49pm - love - by dead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

#8456724
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26628) - you deserved it (3365)

On 02/19/2010 at 9:21pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

#7605430
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18777) - you deserved it (7148)

On 01/27/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by garage - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23706) - you deserved it (12191)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

#7025627
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24907) - you deserved it (2269)

On 12/30/2009 at 12:03am - intimacy - by wheresthelove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

#6775724
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31904) - you deserved it (3199)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

#6461991
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27017) - you deserved it (2560)

On 11/26/2009 at 12:44pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

#6122066
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5632) - you deserved it (19536)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by konichiwa (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

#5877463
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46452) - you deserved it (4745)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:32am - misc - by omgwtf (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14650) - you deserved it (17389)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

#5640699
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33097) - you deserved it (3307)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by KmartFart - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19271) - you deserved it (2732)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom noticed that my bike chain was rusty so she decided to clean it without telling me about her good deed. She forgot to tighten it when she put it back on so when I tried riding later it locked up and I ended up smashing my nuts. My doctor told me I have to ice them for a week. FML

#5231745
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30126) - you deserved it (1979)

On 09/13/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by triplem (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML

#4508324
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75835) - you deserved it (1949)

On 08/13/2009 at 7:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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